I never thought that I would move back. In fact, at one time, I couldn't get far enough away from my hometown. I moved to New York and then Los Angeles after college. I tried to separate myself from my teenage years. Let's just say that they weren't my best. I've kept in touch with a few of my closest friends, but I've been content to leave most of the past in the past.
Recently, though, I've been feeling nostalgic. I got out my yearbook the other night and took a trip down memory lane. In those pages, I was reminded of some of the more meaningful and hysterical moments of my four years in high school. It wasn't all bad. I may not be the same person that I was in high school--thank goodness--but that doesn't mean that I can't appreciate the fun that we had.
To be totally honest, I just finished re-watching all six seasons of Dawson's Creek. I blame Joey and Pacey for most of my warm and fuzzy feelings. All of this reminiscing has reminded me, though, that high school was just a starting point.
In high school, I was not even close to being the best version of myself. Part of the problem was the fact that "grunge" was in. Then there was my hair, for which there was absolutely no excuse. Beyond the physical, though, I was an unsure and self-conscious girl that lacked self-respect. I didn't know what I believed or who I believed in.
Over the years, I've gotten better (I think). I finally did something with the horrible mushroom cut on top of my head, I stopped wearing overalls, and I've even been known to work-out every now and then. The biggest changes, though, have been on the inside. Cheesy as it sounds, it's true. Somehow, somewhere, I developed self-confidence. I stopped hiding my intelligence and started embracing my gifts. I learned to respect myself.
Most importantly, though, I figured out who I believed in. That one relationship has been the catalyst for so many of the other positive changes in my life. Jesus has been good to me. He probably would've been just as good in high school, but some of us have to go on a bit of a journey before we finally settle down.
I would never want to go back to high school, but I've decided that it is okay to fondly remember those four years. We all have to start somewhere. My hope, now that I've returned home and am reminded of what I used to be like, is that I will continue to be a better version of myself year after year.
Susan (circa 1995)
Me today!
